Life can change quickly — sometimes in ways we don’t expect. Over days, weeks or months, people’s circumstances — both mentally and emotionally — can shift significantly. It is not always obvious when someone may be struggling, which is why checking in with the people around us matters.
In 2024, the R U OK? Day theme was “Ask R U OK? Any Day” — a message that continues to be relevant well beyond a single campaign year.
R U OK? Day is held on the second Thursday in September every year, providing a national reminder to check in on the people around us.
While this day plays an important role in raising awareness, these conversations do not need to be limited to one day each year. Any day is the day to ask, “R U OK?” [1]
In the current environment, many people are navigating a range of pressures — including cost of living challenges, work demands, uncertainty and broader global events. These factors can impact stress levels, wellbeing and a person’s ability to cope.
Taking the time to check in — whether with a colleague, friend, family member or someone in your community — can make a meaningful difference. These conversations do not need to be long or perfect. A simple, genuine question can open the door to connection and support.
Research shows that regular, meaningful conversations and social connection are protective factors for mental health. They are linked to reduced feelings of distress, loneliness and isolation, and can support overall wellbeing [1][2].
For many people, it can feel difficult to start these conversations. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, making things awkward, or not knowing how to respond. These feelings are common.
However, checking in does not require the perfect words. What matters most is showing that you have noticed, that you care, and that you are willing to listen.
When these conversations happen regularly — not just in times of crisis — they help build trust. Over time, this can create a safer and more supportive environment where people feel more comfortable talking about how they are really going.
Even if someone is not ready to talk straight away, your willingness to ask can still have a positive impact. It lets them know they are not alone and that support is available when they are ready.
Starting the conversation
It is common to feel unsure about how to start these conversations. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, making the situation worse, or not knowing how to respond if someone chooses to share. These concerns are completely normal.
The good news is that you do not need to have all the answers. Starting the conversation is not about fixing problems — it is about showing care, creating space, and being willing to listen.
Research and guidance from organisations like R U OK? highlight that simple, genuine conversations can help people feel supported and more comfortable seeking help when they need it [1].
What matters most is that your approach is:
- Genuine
- Respectful
- Focused on the other person
Even a small check-in can make a meaningful difference.
Here are some practical ways to start the conversation:
Show that you have noticed
- I’ve noticed you’ve been a bit quieter lately — how are you going?
- You didn’t seem yourself yesterday — do you want to talk about it?
- I’ve been thinking about you — how have things been?
Starting with an observation shows that you are paying attention. This can help the other person feel seen and understood, which may make it easier for them to share.
Refer to past conversations
- How did that appointment you mentioned go?
- Did you end up moving into the new place?
- How are things going with that project you were working on?
Following up on something they have previously shared shows genuine interest. It also reinforces that your conversations are meaningful and remembered, which can help build trust over time.
Keep it natural
- It’s been a while — how have you been going?
- Do you want to grab a coffee and catch up?
If your relationship is already relaxed, keeping the conversation natural or light can help reduce pressure and make it easier to move into a more meaningful check-in.
Use what feels right for you
There is no single “right” way to start these conversations. What feels natural will depend on your relationship with the person, the setting, and your communication style.
The most important thing is to start somewhere.
What to do next
Starting the conversation is an important first step — but feeling confident in how to respond if someone chooses to share is just as important.
If someone chooses to talk, your role is not to have all the answers or to fix the situation. It is to listen, show understanding, and help them feel supported.
Some helpful ways to respond include:
Listening without judgement
- Giving the person time and space to talk
- Acknowledging what they are sharing
- Avoiding interrupting or rushing to solutions
It can be tempting to try and offer advice or “fix” the problem. However, in many cases, simply being heard and understood can make a meaningful difference.
Research shows that feeling supported and listened to can help reduce distress and encourage people to seek further help when they need it [1][2].
Encourage additional support where needed
If the person is struggling, it can be helpful to gently encourage them to seek additional support.
This might include:
- Speaking with a GP or health professional
- Reaching out to a trusted person in their life
- Accessing a support service or helpline
You might say:
- Would having some extra support around you feel useful right now?
- Would you be open to speaking with a professional or someone you trust?
- If you’d like, we could explore some options together
Encouraging support does not mean stepping away — it means helping the person access the right kind of care for their situation.
Follow up
Checking in again later can make a big difference.
Following up shows that your care is ongoing and that the conversation was not just a one-off moment. Even a simple message or brief check-in can help the person feel remembered and supported.
Look after yourself too
Supporting someone else can sometimes feel emotionally demanding.
It is important to recognise your own limits and look after your wellbeing. You are not expected to take on everything alone.
If you feel unsure or concerned about someone’s safety, it is important to seek additional support.
Making it a habit
People’s circumstances are always changing. What someone is experiencing today may not be the same in a few weeks or months.
Building a habit of regularly checking in with the people around you can help create stronger, more supportive relationships over time.
These conversations do not need to be long or formal. Small, consistent moments — a quick message, a short chat, or a simple “how are you going?” — can help people feel seen, valued and supported.
When checking in becomes part of everyday life, it helps normalise conversations about mental health. This can make it easier for people to speak openly and seek support when they need it.
There is no perfect time to ask.
Any day is the right day.
Supporting someone — or supporting yourself
Checking in with someone is a meaningful first step, but sometimes a conversation is just the start of what’s needed. If you or someone you’re supporting is finding things hard to manage, extra support is available. You don’t need a GP referral or a Mental Health Care Plan to get started — EPIC Assist’s Mental Health Service offers short-term, practical online counselling to help build coping strategies and work through what’s going on. Learn more or submit an enquiry via our website.
Support is available, and seeking help early can make a meaningful difference.
National support lines
If you or someone you know needs immediate support, the following services are available:
- Lifeline: 13 11 14
- Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
- Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636
- Kids Helpline (ages 5–25): 1800 551 800
- MensLine Australia: 1300 789 978
- QLife (LGBTQIA+): 1800 184 527
- GriefLine: 1300 845 745
