Congratulations on becoming a parent! Everyone talks about how amazing and exciting this time in your life is going to be. We often don’t hear the truths about the reality we have walked into. As a parent, you will experience a rollercoaster of emotions and thoughts. It doesn’t matter if it’s your first, second, third, or fourth baby. These experiences affect parents of all genders and family structures.
You might have heard about ‘baby blues’. This can be a jumble of feelings and is usually within the first seven days after giving birth. It is very common for a new mum to experience this. The good news is ‘baby blues’ tend to pass within a few days, and you’ll start to figure things out.
If these feelings are intense and you find them becoming your norm (more than 2 weeks), it’s time to connect with a GP. It could mean you are experiencing postnatal depression or anxiety. This is more serious because postnatal depression and anxiety don’t go away on their own.
What is postnatal depression/anxiety?
Depression and anxiety can occur at any time in your life. When they begin in the year after you have given birth, they are linked to your postnatal (post-baby) period. Experiencing postnatal depression (PND) or postnatal anxiety (PNA) is common amongst parents.
1 in 7 mums and 1 in 10 dads experience postnatal depression.
PANDA & Health Direct
These mental health conditions can impact both parents. Sometimes you may not recognise that your feelings and changes in behaviour could be PND or PNA. Sometimes it takes a loved one to notice the changes in you. It can be hard to care for a new baby (and other children). Add in your intense feelings, thoughts, and behaviours; it can be challenging.
The non-maternal parent sometimes finds it hard to talk about their feelings. They can feel they need to hold the family together. It is just as important for the non-maternal parent to reach out for help.
What are some of the signs of PND?
Postnatal depression can impact your emotions, behaviours, thoughts, and physical appearance. PND doesn’t look the same for everyone. Symptoms can show up in different ways. The list below has some things you can look out for in your partner.
Emotional symptoms
Think feelings. It is also about how a person experiences their internal emotional state.
- Sadness and hopelessness: Feeling sad, low, numb, or flat. A sense of hopelessness and despair, and the feeling of being a failure.
- Anxiety and fear: Feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or unable to cope. Think persistent and generalised worry. Focusing on fears for the health, well-being, and/or safety of the baby or partner.
- Irritability and anger: Feeling short-tempered, resentful, frustrated, or angry. Abrupt mood swings are also common.
- Loss of confidence: A loss of self-esteem, self-confidence, and a feeling of being a failure.
- Cognitive issues: Experiencing “brain fog” or struggling to think clearly and make decisions.
Behavioural symptoms
Look at a person’s actions, habits, and how they interact with others.
- Social withdrawal: Becoming socially withdrawn and isolated. This could be from family, friends, and colleagues. They feel disconnected from loved ones.
- Loss of interest: Losing interest in things you once enjoyed. A loss of enjoyment in usual activities. Having little to no interest in things that normally bring you joy.
- Avoidance: Avoiding taking care of the baby out of fear or feeling disconnected from them.
- Coping mechanisms: Using alcohol or drugs to “escape” or cope with feelings.
- Harmful thoughts: Having thoughts of self-harm, suicide, or a wish to not be alive. Sometimes you can have thoughts of harming your baby.
- Obsessive-Compulsive Behaviours: Development of obsessive-compulsive thoughts and/or behaviours.
Physical symptoms
Changes in the body and physical sensations.
- Fatigue and sleep changes: Low energy levels, constant tiredness, or exhaustion. Having trouble going to sleep or waking up. These changes to sleep patterns are not connected to the baby’s routine.
- Appetite and weight: Loss of appetite and weight, or weight gain.
- Panic attacks: Experiencing a tight chest, difficulty breathing, feeling dizzy, sweaty, or shaky.
- Physical stress: High physical stress levels that lead to headaches and muscle tension.
- Libido changes: A loss of libido or changes to libido.
These symptoms can start weeks or even months after the birth. They can be experienced as mild, moderate, or severe. If you notice any of these symptoms or are unsure, it is best to chat with your GP.
Adjusting to change
Adjusting to life with a new baby is a massive change, and it can feel both exciting and overwhelming. Your world, your routines and even how you see yourself can all shift as you step into parenthood.
Your identity and relationships
Becoming a parent can challenge how you see yourself. You might feel joy in your new role, while also missing the freedom of your old life. Relationships with your partner, family and friends may change too. Some might grow stronger, and others could feel distant. On top of all that, advice and expectations from others can add extra pressure.
Daily life and responsibilities
Caring for a baby alongside looking after yourself and your home can feel like a juggling act. Your time is no longer your own, and you may find your career or finances shifting as well. It’s normal to feel stretched thin as you learn to balance it all.
Finding your new normal
Over time, you’ll begin to adjust and find new routines that work for you and your family. Some things that may help include:
- Actively creating a new routine that brings a sense of stability.
- Exploring your new identity and giving yourself permission to grow into it.
- Connecting with your partner and finding new ways to support each other.
- Celebrating small wins. Every step forward builds your confidence.
- Noticing your values and how they’ve shifted, so you can embrace what matters most to you now.
Practical ways to support your partner
Try not to take any out-of-character behaviour personally. It’s important to look after your own physical, mental, and emotional well-being. This is so you can be at your best to care for your partner and family during a challenging time. Here are some ways you can help your partner:
Share the load
- Help with baby care: Take on night feeds, nappy changes, and settling the baby. Let your partner sleep in or go to bed early while you handle the baby’s nighttime routine. This allows them to get much-needed rest.
- Do more around the house: Household chores increase with a new baby. Take on more cleaning, laundry, preparing meals, and managing household finances or appointments.
- Take care of older children: Give your partner a break. Do more with the older children. This will give your partner time to rest, go for a walk, or have a quiet moment.
- Prepare meals: Cook meals that can be easily shared or prepared ahead of time. Think family dinners, school lunches, or quick, healthy meals your partner can grab.
Provide emotional and social support
- Ask for help from others: Don’t be afraid to ask friends and family for support. They can help with things like cooking a meal, taking the baby for a walk, or being there for a cup of tea and a chat.
- Encourage social connection: It can be hard to reach out. Encourage your partner to spend time with friends and loved ones and do things that make them feel happy.
- Manage your own wellbeing: It’s common to feel frustrated, irritable, or overwhelmed when caring for a loved one. Be sure to seek support for your own mental health to avoid caregiver fatigue and burnout.
Help them get professional help
- Assist them in seeking help: Make it easier for your partner to focus on their health. You could offer to book appointments or drive them to and from consultations. Or attend as a support person if they want you to.
Reach out
It is important to seek help early. If you are experiencing any symptoms of PND or PNA, connect with your GP. If you notice your partner showing symptoms, encourage a visit to the GP together.
Here are some useful resources to understand more about PND or PNA.
Helplines
- PANDA National Helpline: 1300 726 306
- Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636
- Lifeline: 13 11 14
Digital resources
- Baby Coming You Ready? – resources to support First Nations mothers and fathers.
- COPE (Centre of Perinatal Excellence) – resources for new and expecting parents.
- Gidget Foundation Australia – support and resources for perinatal mental health conditions.
- Rainbow Families – advocates for LGBTIQ+ parents and their children.
- SMS4dads – free text messages, support, information, and tips for fathers and fathers-to-be.
Parenthood is full of challenges. You don’t have to face them alone. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength.
