Our lives can change drastically in a shockingly brief amount of time. A matter of days, minutes, and sometimes even seconds can completely flip someone’s experience upside down. As we go through our lives day after day, if we don’t take a second to reflect we can often overlook just how much our situations are changing.
Lengthen this time out to months and even years – it’s not uncommon for someone to be in a completely different place in their life both physically and mentally after 12 months. With this being said, ask yourself – how often are you checking in with the people around you?
Colleagues at work, family at home, teammates in sport, friends when you’re out enjoying yourself. How long has it been since you’ve levelled with them and asked them how they were travelling?
Ask R U OK? Any Day
This year’s R U OK? Day theme is Ask R U OK? Any Day. It’s a message that reminds everyone that these important interpersonal conversations can be happening at any time.
Haven’t spoken to that colleague in a while? Strike up a conversation when you see them in the lunchroom next.
A friend seemed a little distant in the last month or so? Offer to grab coffee with them and chat about what’s been going on.
Asking regularly and showing an interest in the personal life and wellbeing of those around you might feel like you’re ‘nagging’ them, but in reality, you’re establishing an essential bond of trust and safe space for them to discuss any of life’s up’s and down’s with you. You normalise letting down that guard we keep up and encourage people to elaborate beyond the standard “yes I’m doing ok, how about you?” response.
So, while R U OK? Day does take place once a year, and it’s great that everyone gets a reminder to check in with those that surround them, this is a habit that we should all be building. Normalising the conversations themselves and their regularity can have a huge positive impact on everyone’s mental health.
We recognise that regular conversations like these can be an uncomfortable habit for many people to build. Several will see this R U OK? Day message and think something along the lines of “but I always feel so awkward starting those conversations. I don’t even know where to start.”
Us at EPIC Assist hear you, which is why we asked our staff to come up with some of their best methods of starting those conversations, and share them with you.
Show that you’re paying attention
- “I noticed you’ve been a bit quiet lately, is everything ok?”
- “You seemed a bit down yesterday – do you want to talk about it?”
- “I’ve been thinking about you, how’s everything going?”
Why these conversation starters work is that they begin with statement that displays an investment in the person’s wellbeing and health. It seems like a very small and minor thing to add, but it can make all the difference to hear the someone who you might not have expected to be is looking out for you.
Even if they aren’t comfortable enough to be honest with you, they can move forward knowing that you’ve got them in mind and are there to look out for them.
Call back to past conversations
- “Hey, I remember you told me about that game you were going to. How did that go?”
- “Did you end up moving into that new place you were telling me about?”
- “That task you were struggling with, how are you doing with it at the moment? Anything I can help with?”
These work for the same reason that the last ones do, and work well in tandem. Starting the conversation off on a past topic will let the person know that your interactions with them are ones that you’ve taken note of and remembered. It’s all well and good to have a pleasant conversation, but to display that you’ve remembered key details and shown an interest can really help someone open up to you.
Once you’ve had a back and forth and formed that connection, it’ll feel a lot more natural to then ask them how they’ve been doing lately.
Open it lightly with a little humour!
- “Hey! It’s been a hot minute since we’ve spoken! I’m keen to catch up for a cuppa, or maybe you’d prefer to just spill the tea… what’s been going on in your world?”
If you’ve already got a friendly dynamic with the individual, they might feel uncomfortable in ‘risking the status’ of the relationship between you two by discussing their wellbeing. By beginning with a joke or a bit of light-hearted banter it can help to reassure the other person that your dynamic will remain rock solid despite what conversation may follow.
It’s an excellent way to ease someone into a potentially uncomfortable topic, while also showing that you care about them and have been paying attention to how they’ve been going.
See it through
Now that you’re armed with a great way to jump into these important conversations, remember that depending on how the talk goes and what is discussed, take the necessary steps to follow up with the person and ensure they’re getting the help they need. Make sure they know that people around them care about them, and that you’re always there if they ever need to reach out in future.
Remember, people’s situations are constantly changing. It’s never been more important to be getting into a habit of routinely checking the wellbeing of those you keep around you.
No matter the time or day it’s never a bad time to ask, “are you ok?”
National Support Lines
- Suicide Call Back Service: 1300 659 467
- Kids Helpline (up to 25 years): 1800 551 800
- Lifeline: 13 11 14
- Men’s Line Australia: 1300 789 978
- Beyond Blue: 1300 224 636
- Q-life LGBTQIA+: 1800 184 527
- Lifeline Text (6pm-12am): 0477 131 114
- GriefLine: 1300 845 745
